It is September 2016 and I have just returned from a long, tough walk in Corsica. Life is a challenge right now and I know that so much that is familiar is about to change…..just as it was 8 years ago! Exactly 8 years ago to the date, I was on a long tough walk in Corsica with a series of challenges and life changes ahead. During that walk,  I wrote this journal entry. My plan is to let my journal of 8 years ago challenge me afresh today. 

Leaving The Comfort Zone – September 2008

During the climbing of the first day, the prospect of 14-16 days tough-mountain walking seemed like forever. Body and mind were not yet conditioned to the physical and mental challenges and the way ahead both excited and daunted. I knew that it would be beautiful but I knew that it would be tough. I had a goal; I had prepared for situations that might arise, but there were so many variables over which I would have no control!

Someone said to me that the GR20 is 40% physical fitness; 60% mental determination. Whilst walkers undoubtedly need to be relatively fit, even the fittest person will fail without steely mental determination, because this walk takes a person right out of their comfort zones and into the wilderness.

The first days walk was a relentless climb. From the top of the pass, I gained a much fuller understanding of the geography of the area and how it all fitted together. As I looked down at the beautiful seaside town of Calvi, I was reminded that we were leaving civilisation, leaving opportunities for comfort and pleasure and exchanging them for the unpredictability of the mountains. There was great resonance with our lives ‘off the trail’.

Into my solitude, I sensed a voice whispering,

‘Are you prepared to leave your comforts and move to the places where I am in control? Follow me to the wild places and you will see things from a new perspective; increasingly as I see them, not from the eye level view of the comfortable places. From here, you get a much wider perspective and you can see how everything relates. It will be wild, exciting and scary. Have you Lindsay got what it takes?’

I accepted the challenge, but couldn’t help thinking that this would serve to make me feel even more out of kilter with the surrounding cultures…even that of the church. It is what anthropologist Victor Hugo would call ‘liminality’ which is defined by Alan Hirsch as ‘an in-between marginal state in relation to the surrounding society, a place that could involve significant danger, but not necessarily so’

God clearly wants me to look only to Him for approval and identity. I still found myself praying that He would give a few wise companions for the journey who will encourage and hold me to account. That will be important, particularly if God is wanting to show me things from an increasingly different perspective because I’ll be picking my way through lesser known territory where danger of error is greatest.

The 3rd morning whilst climbing, my mind turned to negative thoughts about the past. Cutting across these, I sensed God asking me,

‘Are you prepared to do anything for me?’

One by one, I went through all the potential things that could inhibit God’s work in and through my life. It reminded me of a period in 2005 when I felt God calling me to re-submit absolutely every area of my life to his will and purposes, so that nothing at all could come before bringing him glory. No relationships, no possessions, no desires or ambitions, no fears….nothing! Theologian Paul Minear writes that

‘The sole sovereignty of God is realized only by stern struggle with other gods, with all the forces that oppose his will’.

For me that episode in 2005 was the culmination of that stern struggle…a struggle that brought me to the place I am today-a place where many of life’s comforts and securities are being stripped away.

Over the course of the trek, I read the story of Elijah and found that it really resonated with me. Elijah had been taken aside to Kerith after being used by God to speak to Ahab. In that place of obscurity, he learned dependence on God and was fed by Him.

My life has seen so many changes over the past few years that it has been quite disorientating at times. I have become increasingly defined by ‘who I am’ rather than ‘what I do’ because so much else has been stripped away. It has however been the Kerith that God had prepared for me. It has been isolating and without significant encouragement from many Christians, yet God has fed me, quenched my thirst for Him and enabled me to serve him in ways that I had never before been able. My dependence upon Him, my faith and trust in Him and my desire to serve Him alone have grown significantly. I am now confident that I do not need the limelight to survive.

I must now ensure that I maintain a disciplined life; a life that leaves no room for anything that would challenge God’s sovereignty in any area of my life. I must therefore frequently ask myself ‘am I still prepared to leave my comfort zone for the sake of the gospel’ and ‘is there anything in my life inhibiting God’s purposes for my life?’

In the afternoon of day 3, there was a long, difficult downhill section. Andrew asked me to wait for him part way down the mountainside en-route to Haute D’Asco, a disused ski station and our stop for the night. I sat and waited for Andrew on a large granite promontory. I got out my mobile phone which I had brought for the sole purpose of receiving a text from a church that was considering calling me as their minister. Did the church want to progress to the next stage or not? I turned the phone on with a mix of apprehension and excitement. There was a signal, the text came through and YES….they wanted me to come and preach with a view…the Sunday after I was due to arrive back in England.

I knew that if they subsequently called me, Andrew and I would have to leave our beautiful house in the New Forest and move to a town where we wouldn’t know anybody. It would mean starting Bible College whilst finishing the M.A in Missional Leadership. It would mean leaving family and friends and the church where I was serving. It would mean the challenges of being a sole, part-time pastor. It would mean Andrew leaving his job. It would mean leaving the remaining ties to our comfort zone and having no idea where it will lead!

Yet, as God has grown me out of my comfort zone, I have learned increasingly to ‘hold lightly’ to everything as I increase my reliance on Him. I have discovered what an incredibly isolating journey the journey of true submission can be (especially and surprisingly in relation to fellow Christians). I have however also learned how gentle, yet powerful His love can be.

In my last blog, I explained that I would be posting some thoughts from some old journals that predated my training as a Baptist minister. The journals were written at a time when God was turning my understanding of what faith was, what ministry could be and who I was upside down. They are nothing particularly clever or even original, but just thoughts that seemed worth thinking at the time, that challenge me afresh every time I read them and that might be helpful pondering fuel for someone else.

So, here is the second set of musings, this time from my old red journal. And yes, I am currently imbibing another lovely cup of coffee!

• ‘A missionary model of church calls us to move from understanding church as institution to movement, from structures that invite people into sacred space to a contagious spirituality that ‘invades secular space.’

How can we cultivate such a contagious spirituality? What will that mean for us in terms of our discipleship, holiness and ethics? Why do we so often separate disciplehip/holiness and mission…and at what cost?

• How might church leaders (and how might I) develop a deeper understanding of society so that we can better develop skills that will enable us to develop a genuinely missional engagement with society?’ 

And the question???

How should God’s people understand mission?

If we are going to be serious as God’s people about being who is calling us to be and doing what he is calling us to do (which we are aren’t we?), we must get our heads around this question! It is not something just for the academics.  It is for practitioners like you and me!

The Brazilian missiologist Steuernagel (1993) tells us that the answer is ‘blowing in the wind’……..Well actually, he says it somewhat more academically. He says that mission should be understood pneumatologically. (Pneuma is Ancient Greek for breath, wind or spirit.) Steuernagel writes…

‘It is first to perceive the blowing of the Spirit and the direction from which it comes. And then it is to run in the same direction to which the Spirit is blowing.’

My concern is that whilst local, national and international Church structures do many good things, they can also serve to hinder responsiveness to the Spirit.

Men like John Wesley and Count Zinzendorf were prepared to let go of old church structures and adopt new structures for mission precisely because they were better suited to supporting the movement of the Spirit.

If a church is going to be more open to the work of the Holy Spirit, it needs to be shaped around mission. This means that its’ ecclesiology, structures and rules must all serve to support, rather than potentially to hinder the missionary nature and purpose of the church.

Ecclesiology is to missiology a bit like scaffolding is to a building. The scaffolding is there to support what is being built, but it must not determine what can be built. That’s not what scaffolding is for! As soon as the scaffolding starts to hinder progress on the building, the scaffolding must be quickly dismantled and reconfigured so that it can continue to support the ongoing building project. I hope that you get my drift….

To address this controversial issue within our churches will however require courageous, innovative thinking and effective leadership. Many both within and outside our congregations/denominations will not understand and of course we must be sensitive, wise and discerning, but ways must be found to ensure that churches ‘shape up’ for God’s mission. If this ‘nettle is not grasped,’ the consequences will be enormous – the church will be denied from being true to her sent out nature and she (like ancient Israel) may find herself inadvertently hindering God’s purposes to bless all nations.

If the local church is to be faithful to her calling, church leaders and congregations clearly have important decisions to make…

Please Lord, give us wisdom, discernment, sensitivity, the hide of a rhinoceros, courage and tenacity! Help us to keep step with your Spirit so that as this generation of believers we can be ‘your people’ for this generation.  

I’ve upped and left….got into the car and driven off into the sunset…no laptop, no iPad. It’s all very irresponsible (or is it?) but I did it anyway….and I’m glad that I did.

Sometimes life gets in the way of spending quality time with my closest, most amazing friend. I don’t skip time with him intentionally-it sort of just happens. So I consciously try to make time for us to have a chat and spend time together. It feels naughty-as if I’m sneaking away with an illicit boyfriend or something, but how did it ever become that way??!

Society tells me that ‘busy, busy, busy’ is what it’s all about. The often conflicting demands of ministry makes me feel that if I’m not ‘there’ that something bad will happen…and to be honest it often does….but even so, does that make it right to deny ‘The Lord and Saviour’ of my time?

He doesn’t actually need me in order to survive, (as if?!) but nonetheless he wants me to ‘hang out’ with him 100% of the time.

Conversely, I can’t actually survive without Him, but do I actually want to hang out with him 100% of the time? I like to think that I do, but an honest assessment of my ‘to do’ list suggests that may not always be the case.

Quoting from a conversation I had with my friend earlier today…

‘I’m sorry Lord. I know that we don’t get enough time alone together. I guess I’m coping OK with the externals, but my interior life is in perpetual danger of crumbling! Without your breath, I am nothing. Enthuse, inspire and enliven every part of me with your Holy Sprit – so that I rise or fall to be no more and no less than you have created me to be.’

I’ll leave the rest of the day’s events between me and my friend. Too much self-disclosure on-line is seldom a pretty thing! However, it maybe that my words to my friend might offer you the words that you need to say to him today.

Written whilst on retreat April 2016…

I’ve upped and left….got into the car and driven off into the sunset…no laptop, no iPad. It’s all very irresponsible (or is it?) but I did it anyway….and I’m glad that I did.

Sometimes life gets in the way of spending quality time with my closest, most amazing friend. I don’t skip time with him intentionally-it sort of just happens. So I consciously try to diarise time for us to have a chat and spend time together. It feels naughty-as if I’m sneaking away with an illicit boyfriend or something, but how did it ever become that way??!

Society tells me that ‘busy, busy, busy’ is what it’s all about. The often conflicting demands of ministry makes me feel that if I’m not ‘there’ that something bad will happen…and to be honest it often does….but even so, does that make it right to cheat my Lord and Saviour of my time?

He doesn’t actually need me in order to survive, (as if?!) but nonetheless he wants me to ‘hang out’ with him 100% of the time.

Conversely, I can’t actually survive without Him, but do I actually want to hang out with him 100% of the time? I like to think that I do, but an honest assessment of my ‘to do’ list suggests that may not always be the case.

Quoting from a conversation I had with my friend earlier today…

‘I’m sorry Lord. I know that we don’t get enough time alone together. I guess I’m coping OK with the externals, but my interior life is in perpetual danger of crumbling! Without your breath, I am nothing. Enthuse, inspire and enliven every part of me with your Holy Sprit – so that I rise or fall to be no more and no less than you have created me to be.’

I’ll leave the rest of the day’s events between me and my friend. Too much self-disclosure on-line is seldom a pretty thing! However, it maybe that my words to my friend might offer you the words that you need to say to him today.

Written whilst on retreat April 2016…

As an eighteen month old baby, I remember sitting in the back of the car whilst my Mum collected some large flagstones from a man called Mr Greene, had them put in the boot and then drove home. I don’t remember anything else from that far back, but for some reason I do remember that.

I don’t however remember the next bit, but my family tell the story more or less as follows:

‘All was quiet and still as dawn broke in the little village where the little house was where ‘The Shaw’ family lived. Suddenly the silence was shattered by a crash, bang and a wallop! Daddy and Mummy Shaw arose to find little Lindsay with hammer raised high above her head delivering another blow to the newly laid hearth stones. The beautiful 2 piece hearth-stone now resembled crazy paving and a couple of the stones waiting to be built into a fire place lay in pieces!

Dad and Mum must have been quite upset at the time. I had certainly ruined all their careful handiwork. I think they must have felt a sense of horror combined with laughter as they saw me ‘trying to help.’

They painstakingly cemented each bit together until the hearth and fireplace were  complete again…. Flawed, yet complete.

As I grew up, I never once heard them moan about it. It’s a part of my family story and it worked perfectly well for decades!!

N.B The hearth has now been replaced, but this is the fireplace. Note some of the small fragments of stone. These are the product of my handiwork.

As a child of God, there are times when I have wrongly tried to ‘help His plans along; there are times when I have made wrong choices and times when I have tripped and stumbled because I’ve still been toddling in some areas of my life. He knows and yet, like the perfect loving Father, he graciously picks me up when I run to him and he helps me to begin afresh.

Even when I have wilfully chosen a course of action that was not God’s way, He has sent his Spirit to call me out, but not so that He can throw me ‘into the fireplace of life’, but so that The Master Craftsman can work with me to painstakingly restore me bringing each piece together until my life resembles a beautiful and complete crazy paving!

God is the expert at creating beauty from brokenness….